There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
