she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
