We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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