shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
