The maid of honor just puked.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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