ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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