Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
