never play flip cup with pint glasses
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
