cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
