Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
