Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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