Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
