I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
