Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hate all girls vehemently.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
