don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
