3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
