9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
