I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
