Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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