I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
