he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
