Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
