I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
