i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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