Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
