Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
