There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
