She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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