go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
