Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
