You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
