I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
