I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
