Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
