I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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