I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
