I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
