you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
