I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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