On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
