If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
