you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
