Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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