My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
