You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
