is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
