you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
