I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
