Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
