So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
