There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
